Rayan Revisited

Mmm ... toes!

Many thanks to fellow blogger Rayan from Saudi Arabia who taught us the correct way to pronounce our son's name. I had gotten to the point where people would ask me how to pronounce his name and I would shrug and look embarrassed. How sad is that!? The best way to write it phonetically is "ra-YANN." I also met a woman fluent in Arabic recently who was familiar with the name and said it beautifully. The name sounds even better when the "r" is rolled. I explained that it was difficult for Americans to roll their "r's" (I can do it, though!) and she explained that where she came from, it was difficult to UNroll them. I thought that was cute!

So ... Rayan = ra-YANN, with or without the rolled "r." He'll be 5 months old on Layla's birthday this Friday, and we think he's probably the smiliest baby we've had. Maya liked to just stare blankly at people and make them feel silly, and Layth would frown at people. Rayan rewards most attempts at interaction with lovely baby smiles. He's discovered his toes, as you can see in the photo, and has started singing gurgly baby songs to me while chewing on his fists. I can't seem to stop kissing him. It's as though he's my outlet for all the kisses I haven't been able to give Mina and Layla. My other children get them too, of course, but they run away. Baby Rayan is at my mercy! Fortunately he doesn't seem to mind being smothered with mama kisses.

We went to our Compassionate Friends meeting tonight. It's such a comfort to have other people who understand our grief to talk to. When the girls come up in conversation with most people, I usually feel as though I'm making them sad (my family,) making them feel guilty for asking about my children (new acquaintances,) or making them uncomfortable (anyone else who just doesn't know what to say.) At Compassionate Friends, we know that everyone there knows exactly how we are feeling. Those who are farther along in the healing process offer hope and encouragement, and we offer the same to those who are new to their grief. It helps so much in the beginning to see that there are people who actually survive it. It's nice to be able to speak freely about them!